Etched On My Heart

There are pivotal moments in your life that change you in an instant, and in that moment you are forever changed.  For me, those moments are:

• the moment I committed my life to my Lord and Savior 
• the moment I said "I do"
• the moment I became a mom 
• my baby's last breath 

If I were to meet you on the street for the first time, my second "moment" would be obvious by the ring on my finger and most likely the man who's arm I am hanging on.  I pray my first "moment" would be evident to you by the end of our conversation.  But, you see, my last two moments would go unnoticed.  You would leave our conversation not knowing a HUGE part of who I am.

My struggle with how to handle being changed (socially and emotionally) by Thatcher can be read in a much more eloquent post entitled "What's a Mommy To Do?"  If I figure out how to link that post to this one, I will insert it here What's a mommy to do.  If I don't figure it out, you can go find it yourself... sorry, I do not possess the gift of tech savviness.

Thatcher has changed me for forever and I have struggled since day 1 without him with how to show that he has altered my life.  The morning after Thatcher took his last breath, after I posted "What's a Mommy To Do?"  I looked up at my husband and family who were scattered all over the floor in our bedroom (side note: they weren't supposed to be there.  Eric and I set up our bedroom to be our "safe place" for us to retreat to when we felt overwhelmed and wanted to get away from people but my family would just follow me. It would start with someone popping his/her head in to check on me then they would trickle in one by one ... they never seem to follow the rules!  Don't tell them, but I don't mind, I have some really precious memories from those days with them littered on our bedroom floor.)  I looked up and said "I am getting a tattoo. I am absolutely getting a tattoo"  It may seem silly to you, but I needed a permanent, physical change to mirror the change in my heart.  And what is more is more permanent than a tattoo?  Eric smiled through tears and agreed that he had been thinking the same thing ...  and one by one my family members agreed that they needed a tattoo as well :) Although, my dad's said tattoo got smaller as the days passed from "THATCHER CALEB" to "LION" to "GRR" then he settled on getting a dot of courage.
Two weeks passed and Eric and I were out at dinner for my birthday when we landed on the discussion how God used Thatcher to change our lives.  We asked you all how he changed yours but Eric and I had yet to put into words how exactly Thatcher changed us.  I thought for a minute then began to explain that from the day I saw THE 2 pink lines God began to urge me to trust Him.  With a miscarriage the month before, God emphasized my faith did not belong in HCG or progesterone numbers, or even ultrasounds but in Him.  God and God alone was going to take care of this baby growing inside of me.  My need to trust in Him alone was magnified when we found out that Thatcher had major brain issues and even more when we were in the hospital.   God also used Thatcher to teach me how to have courage through Him.  Taking a stand against doctors and nurses, having to find my own voice and know what/who to listen to was hard, especially so when you are a people pleaser like myself.  Looking back there were confrontations I had to have, challenges we had to face, endless nights in the Ronald McDonald House, unspeakable things I would not have been able to face had they not been for my son.  God used Thatcher to take my heart captive and show me how to Trust and take Courage in Him.  As I said these things aloud to Eric, I realized these attributes God used Thatcher to teach me were also my sweet baby boy's Initials: Thatcher Caleb, Trust Courage, T C.  I knew without a doubt that was what I wanted as my tattoo.  A physical, and permanent reminder of how God forever changed my life and who He used.  So, last Monday, my sister, brother, Eric and myself put our words into action and got our tattoos!

 Here's my tattoo... 

just replace the unmade bed with a beautiful professional background

 

All 4 tattoos! 

Top left: Eric's, it says "trust and take courage" in Hebrew. 

Top Right: mine

Bottom left: Robin's 

Bottom Right: Nate's, it's a face of a lion with the words "Thatcher, Caleb, Trust, Courage" hidden in it

The sweet people who came out to be apart/support us! (minus Eric who was getting his tattoo during the picture, and Robin who was taking it)

 Here's a better picture of Eric's

So, if we happen to run into each other at the gas station or grocery store and you see a little ink peaking out above my shoe, just pretend you didn't read this blog post and feel free to ask me about it.  Because I would LOVE to share with you about the amazing little baby that changed my life! 

~ Whit